Lo(Ryn) Exposes Herself

new location

2011-04-24T18:55:00.001-07:00

i have decided to try out wordpress, so my new blog (with everything from here) is...

http://lorynexposed.wordpress.com/

overcaring...

2011-04-11T21:44:00.000-07:00

I know a lot of times I come off as a person who doesn't give a shit about others and doesn't really care what you have to say. If you know me, you know that's not true. I overly care about people and I almost think it's a flaw of mine at this point. I want to make sure everyone is ok. I don't care if we haven't spoken in a long time or last week, if something is wrong...you can count on me. I know life is hard, I know I've been through hell and I want to try to make it at least a bit easier for people around me. I want people to be able to open up to me and be comfortable sharing things with me with an unbiased opinion. I will sure give you my opinion when you're done speaking, but I'll let your thoughts flow first.

I'm a pisces, I can't help this. It's a part of my brain that I just can't shut off. No matter what happens with most people, I will always care. There is always going to be a part of me that cares about you and wants you to be okay and happy. If I was shitty to you, or you were shitty to me...there will always be a part of me that wants to hear from you and know you're ok.

Vegas Vacation Pt. 2

2011-04-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

I have returned back to Illinois, which I wasn't exactly happy about. Vacation was overall wonderful. I left off at the night before the Lady Gaga concert. The show was amazing. We didn't have the best seats but I highly enjoyed them. We had a few drinks before the concert and had an impromptu fashion show in our room (pictures on facebook). The rest of the time was full of shopping, walking and eating. We did gamble a bit more and lose some money, but it's vegas. You have to expect that! I did come back with the urge to play video roulette and video blackjack. Those games were quite a good time. I am really glad I was able to go to Vegas and experience this. It was something I believe everyone should do at least once in their life. Even if you're not into the drinking or partying or gambling scene, it's still a sight to see. I'm very happy we were there during Earth Hour and were able to see the Strip almost completely dark.

Craziness happens in Vegas. You just have to open your arms and accept it. Yes, I did something that maybe I shouldn't have. I opened myself up to new experiences. I even faced a fear and it wasn't so terrible. Life is one experience after another, they're not all good but they're not all bad. You learn from what you've done and move onto the next situation. Don't dwell on it, but remember all the fun times...if you can.

2011-03-26T01:15:00.001-07:00

it might be the flow of alcohol ive had tonight, it might be my emotions that seem to be out there...but....

i'm kinda crazy about you...

....if you weren't aware.

Vegas Vacation Pt. 1

2011-03-25T03:25:00.000-07:00

It's been two days in vegas now. We've had a very laid back stay so far. We don't need to party hard in the beginning since we've got so much time here. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon.

We landed 3 hours later than expected, which was not lovely at all. Spirit airlines is pretty much the worst. All the reviews we had read were dead on. No leg room, had to pay for every little thing, and the plane wasn't exactly clean. I felt horrible for the very tall man who couldn't even fit in his seat and hand his legs hanging out into the aisle. I'm sure that was a safety hazard, but there was no way he was fitting. I didnt see him get up, but I believe they gave him a seat up front where he could fit better. Taking Spirit home and never flying them again, I don't care how cheap they are. A 3 hour delay is just uncalled for. It was a 2 hour delay when we got to the airport at 8pm and we didn't actually take off until 1am. I got a hold of my old friend/coworker Scott who now lives in vegas. He said to let him know when we land and he'd pick us up. Unfortunately, he had fallen asleep and we took a cab to the airport. He called a bit later and met up with us since we wanted to check out some penny slots. We did a little gambling and then Sarah went to bed and I went out with Scott. He drove me up and down the strip and we stopped for food. I didn't get back to the room until almost 7am. How I stayed up that late is beyond me.

We had a lovely relaxing day. Got up late, went for breakfast at 1pm. We took the tram to the Excalibur and did a little sightseeing. We went to the shops in Mandalay Bay and there is a purse in the Guinness store that I am determined to purchase with gambling winnings.We sat and had a drink at the bar at Excalibur while watching the Cubs/Sox game. We then made our way to the Nurture Spa at Luxor. It was A-MAZ-ING. I've never had such an amazing massage ever. I would highly recommend going there. Luckily we were there while they were running a special. a 50 minute massage was only 50 bucks. I treated Sarah to her first massage and possibly got her addicted, which is only fair since I am now addicted to video roulette and blackjack. I don't think I'll ever play at a real table. Video is less pressure. I had almost half what I needed for that purse and lost most of it. I started playing my winnings again, we'll be going again tomorrow.

Now it's time to wind down and go to bed. We have a big day tomorrow. Shopping and GAGA!

Age is just a number...25 is a strange number

2011-03-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

I turned 25 yesterday. When you're little and think about where your life and where you will be when you're older. I never thought I'd be in the position I am today, but sometimes you just can't help where life takes you. I was really freaked out about turning 25. I had my quarter life crisis and I completely lost my mind.There was a lot going on in my life, and that didn't help me contain the crazy. I'm feeling a lot better now. I think all the changes that happened are for the better.

I was completely relaxed about my birthday celebration. Every year, I get incredibly stressed about it. I always fear that no one is going to show up or have any fun. This year, I just let it happen. When people asked who was going to be there, I simply said "I don't know." I wasn't worried about it at all. I was so happy to see the people I did see. I think it means a lot when people show up for your birthday. It shows you who your friends really are. There were a lot of us last night and it made me smile all night. There were some issues with dinner, but I didn't stress too much. Dinner took FOREVER and our waitress was pretty terrible. I didn't let it bother me too much. I'm never one to complain at a restaurant and I never want to be at a table that does complain, but when Staci wanted to say something, I didn't stop her.

I did what I set out to do on my birthday. I got to see great friends, play video games and have some adult beverages. The night ended how I wanted it to. It was one of the best birthdays I've had.

Vacation has commenced

2011-03-18T20:51:00.000-07:00

My two weeks off work have officially started. It's lovely knowing I don't have to wake up every morning and go somewhere. I'm going to sleep in A LOT. I love sleep.

My vacation kicked off with St Patrick's day. I am a fan of this holiday. I'm proud of my Irish heritage. I went out to Dekalb to hang out with Fucker for the occasion. We were pretty lame in the start of the day, we took a nap. Eventually we busted out the Jameson and met up with some friends at the bar. From what I can remember it was a fabulous time. There were plenty of green beers, shots and fantastic people around. I'm still wondering why I thought it was a good idea to walk back to the house from the bar. We only made it about halfway. We made it about 10 feet before bitching about walking. I hope I didn't make a total ass of myself, but really, what does it matter? I get a little out of control sometimes. I don't remember going to bed, but drunk Loryn did plug my phone in, which makes me laugh. No matter what happens, my phone will always get charged overnight.

The drive home was not pleasant. My tire went flat on the highway and I had to sit there for awhile for my dad to come. I attempted to change the tire myself, which is difficult to do in a skirt. Just a few minutes after I had begun this, the HELP truck came by but was not so much help. Since I have aftermarket tires, I needed a special tool to take off the lugnuts. Well, this special tool was never returned to me from Discount Tire last month. I was going to be so proud of myself if I changed my own tire, but alas, I could not. Now I have to buy a new wheel and tire. I'm not exactly thrilled about this, but at least I don't have to do much driving before my next paycheck so I can blow hundreds of dollars on this.

Upcoming birthday

2011-03-15T19:11:00.000-07:00

My birthday is in a few days and I always get super stressed about it. I always fear that no one else is going to care or show up. I don't really like my birthday, I just want my friends around to have a good time.I want to go out, have a good time and be surrounded by good people. I thought it was going to be a lot harder with everything that's been going on, but I've been strong. I know I'm going to have a good time. I have the people I love being around, all in one place. I think from now on, I'm not going to get stressed about my birthday and just enjoy it. I'm going to stop feeling old and embracing everything as it comes at me. at almost 25, it's time to start living again.

New arrivals!

2011-03-14T11:34:00.000-07:00

A congratulations goes out to my friends Oli and Mendy for the lil bundle of joy this morning. Oliver John McIntosh II 6lb 14oz 20 inches

A weekend away...

2011-03-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I decided I needed to get away. Despite going to vegas soon, I'm looking to fill my time with as many activities as I can. I went to Grand Rapids Michigan and Kalamazoo this last weekend. It was fun for the most part. I really can't stand much electronic music anymore. That part of my life is gone for the most part. It's not something I will willingly play in my car when going anywhere. Sometimes, I do enjoy a night out at Smartbar, but it has to be on my own terms. Pete was spinning in public for the first time and I was there to support him. I spent most of the night by myself observing everything and I greatly enjoyed it. I'm not really a social person. I don't talk to strangers. I just do my thing. You'll often find me texting, which was in full effect that night. I had a few drinks in me and my fingers went wild. We went to an after hours party, to which I don't remember a whole lot. We left around 6am, it was way passed my bedtime at this point. I fell asleep in the car on the way home. I was surprised I did, but I was incredibly tired. The rest of the weekend wasn't so great. I had to endure even more music I didn't want to hear while sitting by myself at Pete's friends house. They were in their own little world, while I sat alone with the cat. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my Saturday night visiting a friend. Eventually I told him I'd like to go back to the house. He dropped me off and went back to hanging out. I threw on Animal House and went to bed. I wasn't thrilled about sitting around and listening to electronic music all weekend, I didn't think i would have to endure that much. Overall the trip was pretty decent. the drive wasn't horrible. I stopped at Redamak's on my way home for a delicious burger. When I got home, I relaxed and watched the Cubs game. I had a wonderful conversation with a very good friend for the rest of the night. I ordered things for vegas. I messed with my budget a bit this weekend, but you only live once!

Getting away is inevitable

2011-03-09T20:56:00.000-08:00

My vacation is fast approaching. I've never before been able to take an entire two weeks off of work before. Not only am I taking off two weeks, I am actually GOING somewhere. Come March 23rd, I will be stepping onto a plane with one of my very good friends and flying off to Viva Las Vegas!

We'll be spending five nights at the lovely Luxor hotel and seeing the fabulous Lady Gaga live at the MGM Grand. After everything that has been going on in my life, this vacation is something I NEED. Five days away to just be ridiculous and cause some trouble. It's been too long since I've been to that side of the country. I'll be able to look up and see the stars on a clear night. I imagine the next two weeks are going to be some of the best of my life. I have St Patrick's day with one of my best friends, my birthday and then vegas. I'm sure there will be something that goes wrong, because it wouldn't be my life if something didn't go wrong.. but i say BRING IT ON. My spirits cannot be crushed. I am GOING to have fun no matter what. I will be surround by great friends and good times. I was sad to find out that one of my other great friends can't join us on our trip.Not everything works out, but it's still going to be a great couple weeks off.

it is...what it is?

2011-03-08T16:25:00.001-08:00

You think its a sickness, but its not a sickness. It sure feels like one. You're naseuous and dizzy.there's a feeling deep in the pit of your stomach. You're lost. You feel like a part is missing, but medically speaking, you're whole. you dont want to go on, it feels like the end. you have to push through. this is life. you can't just stop it on a dime because of this. things will get hard, and then they will get better. you may think like it is the end, but in a way, it's just the beginning. you will breath again, you wont feel the sickness. you'll start your day with a smile and you'll even end it with one. dont dwell on the bad times, remember all the great times. you can always have more. tell yourself this isn't the end, but a whole new beginning. a new chapter. enjoy yourself.

Opening...

2011-03-07T16:09:00.000-08:00

I started this blog to be more open about my life and my thoughts. I have pretty much failed at that. I wanted to write everyday. I have clearly failed at that. It's really hard going from a completely closed off person to a semi-open person. I don't really like to share my thoughts and feelings. I'm starting to think if maybe I change that, I'll somehow better myself. You could call me paranoid since a reason I don't like to share my thoughts is being I assume people are going to use it against me. I need to realize, because it HAS happened in the passed, it might not happen again. I really don't have much that can be used against me. What would people do anyways? Try to use my heartbreak against me? That's already killing me enough in my own brain. Which leads me to my thought of the day...

How terrible of a person am I that he feels the need to fuck me over? Am I so shitty I don't deserve to be civil with? If i did something wrong, I would really love to know what it was. I am trying to convince myself that I'm not a horrid human being. I felt I was doing a lot better with this, but then today, I guess I just don't fully understand. I gave myself to a person completely and it didn't turn out in my favor. I gave everything I had and it wasn't enough. My life stopped on a dime and my heart ripped out of my chest. I never knew the pain I felt was even possible for me. Did I care too much? Should I have stopped myself from falling in love? What kind of a life would that be? I feel so lost with everything now. I feel like my independence has been taken away from me, as odd as that sounds. I have to start a new life. My thoughts are jumbled and nothing really makes sense anymore.

Life is terrifying. You have to push through. No matter what happens. You have to fight your battles and wave your white flag when you know it's time. Things will change, things will get better...in time.

2011-02-21T05:56:00.001-08:00

I woke up and thought it was all a horrible nightmare. I wanted to say "i love you" but then i realized it was real.

2010-02-08T14:42:00.000-08:00

I miss you every day....

2.14.86 ~ 5.25.04

oh healthcare..where are you?

2010-01-11T23:37:00.000-08:00

health care in america is such a fucking joke.

it's really starting to hit me since i just tried looking for a specific kind of doctor, but unfortunately my insurance doesn't cover that kind of treatment.

cancer now runs in my family. i have had 4 biopsies that i remember. unless obama's healthcare bill gets passed, i have no chance of ever finding out and following up if i have cancer or not. a 'pre existing condition' could be the death of me.

i can go to the doctor. i can get a biopsy. if anything needs to continue, i have to stop there..it's pre-existing and insurance wont pay for it. i'm already in enough debt because of medical issues.

i want to go to the doctor, but that's not really an option anymore...

Things I might want for xmas

2009-12-08T23:02:00.000-08:00

Tommy asked me what i want for christmas, and honestly, there's not much I want... I guess there's a few 'little' things i want..it's nothing spectacular that i didnt plan on eventually getting myself...mainly cubs stuff i'd say lol

http://shop.mlb.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3925991

http://www.wrigleyvillesports.com/Chicago-Cubs-St-Patricks-Day-Banner-Flag

http://www.wrigleyvillesports.com/Chicago-Cub s-St-Pat ricks-Day-License-Plate-Frame

https://buy.garmin.com/shop/shop.do?cID=134&pID=30986

The necklace i really wanted isn't on the website any longer. it was a really pretty key necklace with a heart. i don't know why i liked it so much, but i saw it and just fell in love with it. it was actually a NICE piece of jewelry, i think it would be nice to have a NICE piece of jewelry. i guess that won't happen.

I can't think of anything else I would want to ask for. I also really want footie pj's, a heated blanket...i'm really not big on christmas....

I'll be missing you....

2009-09-08T14:55:00.000-07:00

Its kinda hard with you not around (yeah)
Know you in heaven smilin down (eheh)
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where Ill keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts big I just cant define (cant define)
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Makin hits, stages they receive you on
I still cant believe youre gone (cant believe youre gone)
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living youre life, after death

Everyone loves a quickie

2009-09-03T00:34:00.000-07:00

i haven't updated in awhile. things are well for the most part. work is irritating me but that's no surprise. they're trying to change my hours which i am not happy with but trying to figure out a way around it. we'll see how it goes when my boss is back next week. i haven't had too much to say and i figured no one wanted to hear me babble about Tommy in another entry :P

but these are things i want to in the somewhat near future..

Looking back, unable to move on...

2009-08-19T09:35:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about her a lot lately. Of course she's always on my mind. I'm a Pisces, i need closure. That's something I'll never get. I should have been at the bed, she wouldn't have known I was there, but I would have known. I didn't get to say goodbye, I can't seem to get over she was supposed to come home that day. Everything happened so fast. We all were about to walk across the stage and receive our high school diplomas, we graduated together after everything that happened. Its one of the first big events in a person's life. She wasn't there for that, she didn't make it. Two moments of silence wasn't enough. Knowing she wouldn't be in the car leaving with us was killing all of us. So must history between kindergarten and then. So many life changing events, fun times and chaos. The only memories i can seem to remember from way back then are with her. We had so many secrets, spent so much time together. Loved, laughed, lived and argued. Such a tragic tale, and there wasn't a happy ending. She's on my mind everyday, but i can't bring myself to visit where she rests. Too hard, still.

Gold should be silver and i should not be up this late

2009-07-27T00:41:00.000-07:00

It's nearly 3am on a sunday night, well morning, and i'm still awake. Having insomnia, well, pretty much blows. The only thing i've done with myself this evening is watch season 6 of Sex & The City. Maybe it's the headache or the migraine medicine or just the lack of sleep i tend to get, but the show really makes you think. maybe that's the point of it? Scary or sad? well, i did some thinking. We were totally Samantha and Smith at the begining, but then blossomed into Charlotte and Harry. Which made me think even more, believe it or not, i am totally Charlotte. So afraid and so hesitant in the begining. Then, i realized it was more than i could ever imagine. We turned into Charlotte and Harry. I felt fast and hard. it's quite an amazing feeling. Harry loves how neurotic Charlotte is and Tommy loves how neurotic I am. Also, I've thought about this since they were all the rage and fashionable but never seemed to get my hands on one. Carrie made it popular even more. the 'infamous' Carrie necklace. i've actually always wanted one with my name (obviously). the terrible thing about hers is that it's gold. Silver FTW. Also watching season 6 has made me think about another topic, but that will be for another entry when i'm ready. Now it's closer to 3am and i need to try and sleep a little for work. not looking forward to it. *sigh*

I'll need a new one anyways..

2009-07-13T23:10:00.001-07:00

So with my car hitting 200,000 miles recently and now up to 201,000+, I really need to consider a new vehicle sometime in the near future. My car is doing pretty decent for the age/mileage, but i know that probably won't last long. my dad DID put a new/used transmission it in a lil while ago, but really, how long can that last? it had about the same mileage on it that my car did but was probably treated better. as much as i DONT want to think logically about a car and justify getting one that i would kill for, i really need logic and financially reasonable. i've noticed, like many, these smart cars for awhile. i never really looked into them or anything until recently. they're kinda cute, small and compact. honestly, i want a smaller car. a sedan is just not something i really like. i miss having a coupe. the smart cars are very logical. the only draw back is that it's a 2 seater. can i really deal with that? on the very brightside of that, this means i wouldn't be able to shuttle people anywhere, which sames me on driving. i did the math on financing one and insurance on it. the smart car i'm looking at would be around 350 a month and insurance might be around 80. considering my other bills, this would be possible. the one thing i really need to teach myself is to NOT eat out so often. plus, with quiting smoking, i save money there. i really think this would be a logical step for me and getting my credit back on track, if they approve me. even with crappy credit and interest payments up the ass, it's still not that badly priced. i just need to save up for a down payment. my dream car would have to be put on hold for now. i really love this car, it's about 10 grand more though. i would love to own one of these one day, but not now, not yet. one day though. but for now, let's get logical

10 years done

2009-07-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

I have officially quit smoking. It has been about 6 days since my last cigarette. It is pretty difficult, especially when I get stressed but I think after the terrible habit that lasted about 10 years, it's time to quit. I know it's a filthy pointless habit, but i did it for so long. It's time to break that pattern. The physical addiction is gone after 3 days. That's done already. The mental addiction is about a week. I'm so close to that. I know that I'll probably smoke when I'm out drinking, but I don't want to do that for at least a month of being smoke free. I'm already starting to feel healthier. I've been drinking a lot of water lately too. I'm doing a total 180 on my body and it's reacting nicely to it. I'm just hoping i don't gain any weight from this. i have tea that curves my appetite, so that's good. even though i was STARVING when i was heading into work today. But I'm quite proud of myself and Tommy is beyond proud of me for quitting. i honestly never thought i would, and now i have. GO ME!!! i think i deserve a prize or something.

Twitter

2009-07-09T09:14:00.001-07:00

So I've been a member of Twitter for a little while and I NEVER got the hang of it. I hated it, i just didn't get the fascination with it. Well, with discovering twitpic, I'm kind of obsessed now. I'm finally getting the hang of it and i love how you can upload pics from your phone, which is what i keep doing now. the whole 'following' concept is still creepy to me. i don't like the thought of strangers following me. i can't tweet privately or it wont automatically update my facebook, which is also a cool feature as I've discovered. since i am a fan of blogging and have random short thoughts, micro blogging is a pretty good idea for me.

Follow me:

twitter.com/Ms_Riley

p.s.

Tommy, I can only imagine how happy you are about this :P

Let him rest...

2009-07-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

With all the media frenzy going on, i can't help but comment on what's happened with Michael Jackson. It's amazing to see so many people flock to the Staples Center with their golden tickets and others in hopes of being able to get in. there were 20,000 fans in there and about 9,000 friends and family. Putting drama aside, it really is tragic to lose someone who still had so much life to live. i don't think anyone can deny he was amazing musician and entertainer. he worked with some of the most famous and talented people in the world. he did so much for humanity and so many people only want to talk shit about him. it's really tragic all around. i never really had an opionin on him until his passing. i was never a huge fan, but i did have a copy of "Dangerous" and "HIStory." I honestly don't know what to think about all the accusations going on with him. some say he's guilty, some say he's innocent. part of me thinks it's true and part of me thinks the parents were over reacting. reguardless, he was still a father, and watching this clip will break anyone's heart...

People need to remember the great things he's done and try to forget all the speculation going on around his life. just look at the facts, a great entertainer has passed on tragically...

Rest in peace Michael, you've had a great life...

Reception Pictures

2009-07-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

I finally got a few pictures from Mathias and Tereza's reception. Tommy is quite a good photographer ;)

and the main dance..

Hopleaf

2009-07-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

On friday night, Pete was in town and wanted to go out. we had plans to go to Spybar but that fell through due to Pete not being let in because he wasn't dressed the part. So we ended up at Hopleaf. Tommy's been there a few times and wanted to take me there. they have 200+ kinda of beer. it's a beer heaven if you ask me. Some are pricey, some have a crazy alcohol content. I've heard the food there is wonderful, which i'd like to go back and try sometime soon. The front room was packed so we headed into the back where Tommy has never been. it has a nice cozy feeling to it. i really enjoyed being there. i made a quick decision on what kind of beer to start off with. i went with the usual Hoegaarden, which i was hoping was on tap, but then i recieved a bottle with the typical Hoegaarden glass. I can't really remember what the boys got, but i tried a few but we all have somewhat different tastes in beer. after my Hoegaarden i wasn't sure what to get, so i let Tommy decide for me. I ended up with a Delirium Tremens.. It was a tasty, tasty beer. i highly enjoyed drinking it, as well as the glass and tap it came out of. Elephants are just so adorable! We eventually got a spot at the bar and hung out. i saw one of the guys that work at smartbar. he came up to the bar and we made eye contact. he looked and said "didn't i meet you last night?" i replied "you work at smartbar" we had a giggle, he got his beer and went back to his table. i can't getaway from smartbar apparently if i tried. i can't wait to go back there on a less crowded night and have a date night with Tommy. the dark setting is pretty romantic and all the types of beer is just glorious.

Let freedom ring...

2009-07-06T13:37:00.000-07:00

I had quite an eventful weekend. More action packed that what it usually it due to holiday festivities. It was a good time. It started on thursday night going to smartbar to see Dieselboy. that was a short night, i got tired and angry at smartbar for some bullshit. So then on Saturday, Pete was in town from Michigan and we got some lunch at portiollos. Luckily it stopped raining so much. He went to pick up Mike, I went to pick up Tommy and we met up at Oli's for a BBQ. It was a good time, there were a few people there i wish I'd never see again but they left shortly after i got there luckily. As it turns out, I'm pretty terrified of roman candles and fireworks that are set off right in front of me. In the picture to the left, Pete had lit my roman candle and i started screaming. Tim had to jump in and save the day..and garage that i had the candle directed at. he held my hand the whole time while i was screaming with my eyes closed. i had the thing pointed directly at the garage. oops! no more fireworks for me. After that Tommy, Mike and I ran off to try to catch the fireworks show at Navy Pier but failed horribly. we missed them by a half hour. i wasn't all that upset, but it would have been nice to see fireworks other than in the alley behind Oli's house.

So we went back to Oli's and eventually convinced everyone to try my fail cake. I attempted to make Castle McIntosh, which obviously didn't turn out very well. it was a mix of Golden Butter mix with Chocolate Kahlua. i must say it was deeelicious. there were strawberries also baked into it. it didn't turn out as planned though.only half the cake wanted to come out of the pan, so i went with it anyways. i was going to make it pink, but i didn't enjoy the color. i went with purple and sprinkles. All in all it was a good night. Sunday was nice as well, Tommy and I went to his best friends birthday at her house. i saw some people i wish i hadn't and was outside longer than i wanted to be, but it was a good time.

after that i FINALLY got some alone time with Tommy. we hung out, cuddled and went to get some food. We were together all weekend but hadn't gotten much time to spend alone, which is one of my favorite things to do, his as well. so we had our own time together, got some food and had to say good night. He is probably one of the best things in my life right now and will be for awhile. I've never been so happy with someone. Never felt this good about myself or the relationship I'm in until him. all my friends seem to adore him which is a very rare occurrence. We're aware people are jealous and we usually high five when we talk about it. When i was on the way taking Mike home, without any sarcasm or haste in his voice he said "you guys are so cute." I never thought i would hear that come out of his mouth unless it was followed with something disturbing and angry. it's nice that my friends are so happy for me because I'm so happy for once. I've had the best quarter of a year, all thanks to him. <3

Venting

2009-07-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

I can't sit here and tell you that you're not making good decisions about what you're doing while going through the treatment you're doing. You KNOW how much i care and worry and you still put yourself in bad situations that could really effect your health. Can't you just lay in your hospital bed like everyone else? Do you HAVE to do the stupid shit you're doing? I want to see you get through this but you're risking yourself with what you're doing. I can't tell you how to live your life, but I'dlike to see you live your life AFTER this. I know I'm always on your ass about this. I wouldn't if I didn't care and I wish you weren't so stubborn and actually listenend for once. You didn't want to deal with me that one day, maybe you should have really thought about your actions then. Do you need me to tell you it's a bad idea to not do it? You obviously know you shouldn't but you do anyways. I can't talk to you on a daily basis if you keep telling me things that you know is going to upset me. You can't care about having a good time when you're sitting up in a hospital room with poison running through your veins.

It's The Little Things

2009-06-30T11:13:00.000-07:00

I love that when I think "aww where's tommy?" I suddenly get a really cute email or text from him. I love his "thinking of you" emails I get with pictures :-)

Generic...opening up?

2009-06-30T10:19:00.001-07:00

I'm trying to make this blog almost more genaric than updating everyday about my life, because honestly, my daily life isn't all that exciting for the people that aren't involved. Also making this more genaric is preventing me from opening up on a public forum which is what I was trying to change. We'll see how this experiment goes, especially since not many people know about this blog yet.

Catch the bouquet

2009-06-29T10:37:00.001-07:00

I went to my boss's wedding....reception yesterday afternoon. They didn't have a ceremony. They went down to city hall on May 30th and got hitched. They waited a month to have a lunch reception out on Lake Zurich. It was an awesome time and of course it kind of got me thinking about weddings, as it would for most people. To be honest, I've never really imagined my own wedding. I didn't really think someone would be able to tolerate being with me that long. Growing up, I never fantasized about my dream wedding or engagement ring or even husband for that matter. I remember a stint in grade school that I said I would never get married. Things do change when you get older and now I think I should think about what kind of wedding I want to have some day. For a little while I've thought about what kind of ring I'd like to get (this isn't implying anything at all, honestly) . I have searched around before online to look at rings and what I thought I would like. I also like rings and necklaces, which lead me to looking at engagement rings. I fell in love with this design. I've always been one for more detail and not to be plain. I absolutely love a decorated band, not just a basic plain one. I've always been one to lean towards a vintage or antique look. This probably comes from my fondness of tradition when the male gives his girlfriend his grandmother's ring or her grandmothers ring. I always thought this tradition was really sweet and something that should stick around. Sadly, most traditions lie, and some rings really are awful. One thing I have debated about with a ring is colored stones. I think I would love to have pink or green stones in my ring, but I like a traditional looking ring. I would also have to see it in person in order to decide if I like it. As for the wedding itself, I dont want a big one because really, who all would I invite that wouldn't be in my bridal party? I don't want that much of a traditional reception. I'll dance with my husband and that will be the only required dance. I don't want it to be stressful and I think planing out other things would be difficult.

I guess I've put more thought into my own wedding in the last few years. I was supposed to be married if things went according to plan, which they did not, which was better. Even then I never thought about the actual ceremony. I would def require our own vows to be written and them to he hilarious and heartfelt. And of course the most delicious and extravagant cake ever made. Maybe by Duff or even Bobby Flay ha.

I've been thinking about the over all concept of a marriage and everyone says it is always so hard. I don't really quite grasp what they could mean by that but I am definatly not one to say love will fix everything, I don't live in a fantasy(even though lately it does feel like it's too good to be true). Some people would consider it to be a contractual ball and chain, or just a piece of paper. I see it as more. You're combining lives together more than you have before. You have found your TRUE partner in crime and someone you can go to with anything no matter what. Yes, you should have friends that do that for you but if you really look at it, your partner is already there in the middle of the night if something happens, they're already there if you need a hug. Being able to share everything in your life with another person is just glorious. Some people say they never want to get married and things are fine they way they are. Everyone can believe what they want to, but look at it from another angle. Say something life threatening happens or maybe your partner dies, you might not be allowed in your own home or to your own things because you weren't married.

I feel like I'm just babbling now. I guess what I'm saying is get married, weddings are fun, spend your life with someone special.

Would I be considered a romantic now?

Review of Up

2009-06-26T00:06:00.000-07:00

In addition to just seeing Transformers 2, Tommy and I also saw Up last week. it was def a cute movie. i find it amusing that it seems a lot of Pixar movies have a bit of adult humor in them. I really found this movie adorable. but it has come to my attention that i am pretty much a robot because i didn't cry at it. i'm sorry that movies just don't effect me like that. oh well. i loved all the animals in this movie and the banter between the main characters. i must say my favorite characters were Dug the talking dog and Kevin the bird. they were pretty funny. the dogs with collars that made them talk was hysterical and of course the under dog always comes in on top, pun intended. even if you're not into what you think is a kids movie, you should see this. it's super cute and i think everyone would enjoy it. it has really sad moments and hysterical moments. it really is a great movie with some twists.

Review of Transforms 2: Revenge of the Fallen

2009-06-25T23:55:00.000-07:00

Tommy and I went to see the news Transformers movie because even though it's only been out a day, it seemed like we were the only people who hadn't seen it yet.

Now, i was never into the transformers when i was younger ( i was a TMNT kind of girl) but i must say these movies are AWESOME. i was a big fan of the first one, i would watch it over and over again. this one, i was not disappointed. i really enjoyed it. there was a super sad part that i would have cried at if i wasn't a robot (see next entry for that explanation). there was lots of action and lots going on, but not too much going on. i could care less what the critics say, i would def recommend seeing this movie. if you liked the first one, this is a good one. i think this one was a lot funnier and there was a lil more adult humor. so i def suggest if you haven't seen the first one, see that and see this one. i don't want to spoil anyting for those who havent seen it yet.

Well maybe you deserve it then..

2009-06-23T23:30:00.000-07:00

Staying up late and watching "is she really going out with him?" makes your brain hurt and question so many things. also the bad music that is played on Mtv nowadays. In all reality, these girls, who really aren't that much of a prize themselves, possibly deserve better? i don't understand how people can spend their lives with these guys who are beyond awful and can justify to themselves that they're worth it. if you're getting treated like shit, why do you stay? what about this person do you feel you can spend so much time and effort on. you would think that if a girl's friends are constantly telling her that the boyfriend is awful, you'd think she'd take a hint and maybe re-evaluate where she is and going in life. also, you must look at the angle of 'is she really at that great herself?' and most of the time, they're really just as dumb as the guy they're dating. Of course, the girl is always the victim though, that's just how it works.

it really makes you think what's so wonderful about these guys that walk all over their girlfriends and somehow convince them to stay by their side. what does it take for a girl to walk away? why can't they wise up and really look at what's going on with their relationship? are they really that blinded by their world around them and directly effecting them? i'll be honest, i've dated my share of assholes, users and abusers but after awhile you wise up and discover the type of person you deserve to have.

i don't believe in spending yours days upset, furiated or frustrated with the person you love. enjoy the time you have with eachother, and if you don't or can't..move on! there's so many people i want to slap across the face because of the terrible guys they're dating.

if you're not getting the attention you deserve or at least a bit of attention, maybe you need to re-evaluate yourself and change your pattern.

Welcome

2009-06-23T23:26:00.001-07:00

new blog